I have begun a process of self discovery; mind, body and soul.
About a year ago, I started to question myself on a number of issues. One was my negative thoughts regarding my step-daughter’s mother and the change that I was beginning to see in myself. Since then, I have been working on forgiveness and compassion, trying to cultivate it in my life and stretch my abilities. The process has been hard and even when I think I’ve got it, I fall short.
This past year has been a challenge. My oldest daughter was diagnosed with ADHD and after a four year battle with the school system; she will be going into a special day class next year. This choice broke my heart. I spent many, many days and nights crying. Going over every mistake I had made with her and feeling as though all of it was my fault; my beautiful little girl was suffering in school because of me and my flaws.
Today, I am taking control. I have taken responsibility for my choices and for my emotions. I will never again place blame where it is not due, and will never look at another, before first, looking at myself.
It’s been five and a half years since my DH and I became a couple; every year a new challenge, every year getting stronger. I feel ready for what I’m choosing to undertake.
I felt the need to cleanse my mind, so for the last 3 weeks I have been practicing different methods of forgiveness and empathy, taken from the Christian and Buddhist perspective. I believe that all of us can find peace within ourselves when we exercise compassion, especially where it is least likely found.
My body has undoubtedly felt the effects of my judgmental and unyielding mind. Not only have I gained unwanted and unneeded weight, I have also started (once again) to have migraine headaches and lack energy. After watching the movie Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead, I decided to reboot my body.
Today is the third day of my juice fast. My diet consists of juice from leafy greens and dark fruits and veggies; all juiced in the juicer at each meal. Juice is my only source of nutrition for the next 2 days. The following five days after the fast will consist of slowly introducing solid veggies, beans, and nuts. Then small amounts of animal products can be introduced.
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